A New Life

Yesterday I set out to begin overcoming my exhaustion built up over the past three months. I slept until ten o’clock. Then I got up and ate an orange, and went back to bed until 11:00. Then I spent a good half hour soaking in a tall tub full of hot water and fragrant bubbles.

In the afternoon I resumed the avocation I’ve had to give up for the past two or three years, due to various family crises: wildlife rehabilitation. I took in a 10-day-old squirrel. He has fur, but only a velvety fuzz. His eyes are still sealed shut.

Emily, the 13(?)-year-old who lives next door, expressed a desire several months ago to be my assistant this summer, so she came over for her first lesson.

She saw a CD of Mozart music lying on the kitchen counter and said, “What if we name him Mozart?” So we did.

We gave him some warm Pedialyte to drink and injected some IV solution under his skin to rehydrate him, and checked him all over, and weighed him, and set up a warm place for him to live until he is old enough for a cage.

Later this morning I will start him on full-strength formula. I will also pick up a buddy for him from a fellow wildlife rehabber who has 14 to choose from. Wild animals should always be raised with others of their own kind.

I look at him and my heart feels warm and happy. He will be as therapeutic for me as I hope to be for him.

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Dealing With Bereavement

But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. (I Thessalonians 4:13)

My dear Demetrios has pointed out to me that there is a right way to deal with sorrow, and there are some wrong ways.

Wrong way: try to forget it. Distract yourself. Keep busy. Put the deceased out of your mind and hope that eventually you won’t think about the person any more. Of course, this doesn’t work, and would be brutally inhuman if it did.

Another wrong way: Try to console and content yourself with happy memories. But Christ did not die so that we might have memories. It’s the person we want! Not memories. (This point also has important implications for the Mystical Supper; it’s Christ Himself we want, the Person, not merely memories!)

Another wrong way: Be a stoic. Numb yourself to it. Nature does this for us at first; that’s why, for a time, we say, “It hasn’t hit me yet,” or, “It doesn’t seem real.” We are unable, immediately, to respond with appropriate emotions. But the numbness, the sense of unreality, is supposed to wear off shortly. Eventually, as we gain the inner strength, we need to face the issue head-on and let ourselves have those emotions. Otherwise, we harm ourselves.

The right way, for a Christian, is to understand that we still do have the loved one, even in that person’s repose. It’s as if he were in another room, with the door closed, but he is still there. Love is stronger than death. We still love him and he still loves us. And as the Holy Spirit indwells us here on earth, how much more does He fill those of us in heaven, through Whom we all have sweet communion. We not only still have our loved one, but also have him more securely than before, because now he is sealed. He will be the Lord’s forever, with no more possibility of falling away; and he will be ours forever, with no more possibility of our becoming estranged or drifting apart. Now, on his side, at least, there is no more barrier to perfect communication.

The Christian way to deal with death, whether one’s own or that of one we love, is to remember that Christ has conquered death on behalf of everyone.

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He shall stand at the last day upon the earth. And though worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God." (Job 19:25-16)

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die." (John 11:26)

For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep. After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles. Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time. (I Corinthians 15 :3-8)

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"Why Did God Take Her From Us?"

If God were to withdraw from us, even for a moment, we would instantly be wiped out; we would cease to be. That’s because the life in us is actually God’s life, and we have no other life, no life of our own. We think we have. We think animals and plants have life of their own, too. But in fact, life is a divine attribute, like being all-powerful or knowing everything. Only God has life (or even existence) of His own; we only share His life. He lends His life to us. That’s why we would be annihilated if God were to withdraw from us.

God is eternally faithful; He does not withdraw from us, ever. Of course, we have the option of withdrawing from Him. And the very first human beings did exactly that, just as all the rest of us have. They pulled their drinking straws out of the Fountain of Life and walked away. In doing so, they distorted human nature, changed both their psychology and their biology; changed the very meaning of what it is to be human, for human beings were made for God, made to live. Our first parents became mortal creatures, mortal creatures who gave birth to mortal creatures. Death is in our genes. That’s why we die. It's not because of God, but the opposite; it's from "God deprivation".

All of this is to say death is not God’s fault. He is not the Author of it, and contrary to what you may have been taught, God did not inflict death upon us as retaliation for our sins. It isn’t supposed to be this way! Death is as much His enemy as ours.

That’s why, when God came to earth in flesh, He Himself died. And just as when you shine a flashlight into a dark room, it is not the light, but the darkness, that vanishes, so when Divine Life shines in the grave, death, not life, disappears. Christ’s presence in the grave, filling it with light and life and love, transfigures it beyond recognition. In fact, Christ makes of the grave a stepping stone to new and more glorious life.

Death is not God’s fault, but He suffers it to be, for our own benefit. Otherwise people like Stalin would stalk this earth forever! Otherwise, we would all live forever in our sins. But as it is, death ends our sinning.

Death is not God’s fault, but He does reserve the right to determine, for each of us, when it shall occur. He lengthens or shortens our days. He decides when it is the best (or least horrible) time for each of us to die.

We do not always understand His reasoning. We ask in grief-stricken bewilderment why He did not choose to spare our Barbara for many more years, and we find no answers.

But the point is this. God is a lot smarter than we are. He knows a lot more than we do. He has much greater wisdom than we have. He loves Barbara infinitely more than we do, and He loves us infinitely more than we love ourselves, even. Therefore, if we are Christians, we trust that His decision was the wise and right and good and loving one, even if we can’t see why this is.

Someday He may make us understand why. And then we will see that indeed, He showed marvelous wisdom, miraculous love, judgment beyond our imagining. Then we will thank and praise Him with full hearts for timing Barbara’s death as He did, and for all His other glorious deeds. Then, faith teaches us, we will sing to Him our grateful alleluias.

But if we believe this shall be some day, why wait until then to praise Him?

Glory to You, O Lord, Glory to You for all things!

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Barbara Lee Jones-Reitzloff, August 30, 1957 – March 5, 2008

Barbara with Daniel, Madison, & Elizabeth

For a Christian end to our life, painless, blameless, peaceful, and for a good account at the dread judgment-seat of Christ, let us ask the Lord.

This is a petition we pray at every Orthodox service, and it was granted to Barbara today. She died with her characteristic dignity and grace, alert and smiling until the last two hours, and mercifully unconscious the last hour.

About half an hour before her final struggle, she said, “I want my doctor,” nodding toward Demetrios. Demetrios, with his broken foot, hopped up to her side and they had a big hug and kisses and she smiled a lot.

Then she began gasping, and when the Albuterol didn’t help, we telephoned Daniel. Although she had had a burning fever all day, she was now growing cold and her color changed.

I said to her, “I think you are very near your victory now. Keep saying your Jesus Prayer, cling to Him all the way through and you’ll awake in His arms.” She nodded vigorously. Then I added, “For all you are going through, I’m jealous of your situation, because you already have one foot in heaven, and your crown is within reach now.” She nodded again and smiled.

Mom took her hand and began singing to her, that beautiful old Welsh lullabye, “All Through the Night.” How many people get to die with their mothers singing them to sleep?

Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,
All through the night.
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night.
Softly now the hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber steeping,
I my loving watch am keeping,
All through the night.

Shortly after that, some morphine having been administered, she grew sleepy. Demetrios says she would have lost consciousness even without the morphine, because of not enough oxygen.

Daniel arrived, and we left him alone with her for half an hour or so before we went back in.

Barbara was making little, shallow, vocal gasping breaths. Then the breaths became silent, little gasps. The last several gasps came 15 seconds apart, and then came one last, stronger and again vocal breath. We waited a full minute, but no more breaths came, so we hugged each other and cried. The nurses, who had told us she was a favorite with all of them, cried, too.

Fr. Gregory arrived 10 minutes after her repose and prayed with us.

O Christ, rest the souls of all Thy servants who have reposed this day, and especially Thy servant Barbara, among the saints, where there is no pain nor sorrow nor sighing, but life unending.

Thanks to so many of you for your outpouring of prayers these last three months, and your kind words, and your great love, which overwhelms me.

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Fr. Schmemann on Death

Hat tip: mamajuliana at Abide and Endeavor

–The Church is the entrance into the risen life of Christ; it is communion in life eternal, “joy and peace in the Holy Spirit.” And it is the expectation of the “day without evening” of the Kingdom; not of any “other world,” but of the fulfillment of all things and all life in Christ. In Him death itself has become an act of life, for He has filled it with Himself, with His love and light. In Him “all things are yours; whether…the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come; all are yours; and ye are Christ’s; and Christ is God’s (1 Cor 3:21-23). And if I make this new life mine, mine this hunger and thirst for the Kingdom, mine is this expectation of Christ, mine the certaintude that Christ is Life, then my very death will be an act of communion with Life. For neither life nor death can separate us from the love of Christ. I do not know when all things will be comsummated in Christ. I know nothing about the “whens” and “hows.” But I do know that in Christ this great Passage, the Pascha of the world has begun, that the light of the “world to come” comes to us in the joy and peace of the Holy Spirit, for Christ is risen and Life reigneth.

– from For the Life of the World

Thanks to mamajuliana also for her beautiful follow-up reflection:

…Sometimes it is difficult to understand this but it is truth…that I believe.

Amen.

Spring!

The daffodils are up and blooming; some people's are even nearly finished blooming. Ornamental pear trees, albeit only a few of them, are in bloom, and today I even spotted three small cherry trees full of blossoms, plus forsythia.

That makes it undeniable: Spring has arrived in Richmond.

Barbara awoke yesterday under the impression she had died and gone to heaven. Then she saw Daniel sitting beside her, and concluded he must somehow have died, too.

"Are we BOTH in heaven?" she asked her husband.

She must have been feeling very good indeed to have supposed that!

Your prayers are definitely having their effect. She is showing herself already victorious over suffering and death. It's not the miracle we had prayed for, but a miracle it certainly is - and a far more important one, at that, than the one we had desired!

One thing she is showing us is, it can always be Spring in our hearts.

P.S. We're back here in Richmond only until morning, when we head back to Barbara. Car trouble and exhaustion account for our brief return.

Barbara is Hanging On

She is very peaceful now. She can even be funny, as when I asked her, "Did you have a good nap?" and she said, "Yes, but every time I wake up, three faces are just staring at me." And she made a goofy, sad face to show us what we looked like.

She sleeps a lot and smiles, now and then, in her sleep. She tries to postpone the morphine so she can be more alert and savor the presence of her family. We have promised her she will never be without at least one of us at all times, from here on out, twenty-four/seven.

Her daughters, having been told all, are to all appearances taking the bad news in stride, God bless them.

Mom says Barbara lit up when she received Holy Communion Sunday afternoon. She says Barbara also saw an angel hovering in the corner of the ceiling nearest the door and asked who was that flying around there.

She never complains. She shows enormous patience. My baby sister, lighting the way for the rest of our family, is certainly setting a high standard for the rest of us. Tough act to follow.

Vigil

Most of our family went to visit my sister Barbara today, in shifts. She looked and felt markedly worse. I said, "Why don't you close your eyes for a while?" and her (I think purposely) enigmatic reply was, "Because then you will all be gone." I said we'd stay, but she forced herself to keep those eyes open wide and kept watching us.

As we left, she gave each of us such searching, sorrowful looks...

She had had many other visitors besides the 7 of us and was very tired. At 6:00 p.m., she asked for some morphine and was given it. And nobody has been able to awaken her since.

Just before her eyes finally did close, she asked for her husband, and he was sent for. He is spending the night with her and does not want the rest of the family there, so we are respecting his wishes. (Note to self: HE is "the nearest of kin".) Their two young daughters are with their adult cousins nearby. Mom and my sister Wendy are also there tonight.

Demetrios and I, not having brought our medications, headed back to Richmond just after eleven p.m., but we shall return this afternoon, prepared to stay for several days.

Another vet came to visit Barbara while we were there, and she brought with her a miniature poodle named Lucy. So Barbara got to see and pet a dog again, after all these months. Small thing, but then again, maybe not so small, for a veterinarian. I'm so grateful for that.

On Romans 8:23

For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

Comment of St. John Chrysostom

So it is as if any one were to see in the street a vile woman of the baser sort being beaten, and were to say he was her son, when he was the king’s, and so to get her free from those who ill treated her. And this He really did, in that He confessed that He was the Son of Man, and stood by it (i.e. the flesh), and condemned the sin. However … He smote it with the blow of His death, but in this very act it was not the smitten flesh which was condemned and perished, but the sin which had been smiting. And this is the greatest possible marvel. For if it were not in the flesh that the victory took place, it would not be so astonishing, since this the Law also wrought. But the wonder is, that it was with the flesh (μετα σαρκoς) that His trophy was raised, and that what had been overthrown numberless times by sin, did itself get a glorious victory over it. For behold what strange things there were that took place! One was, that sin did not conquer the flesh; another, that sin was conquered, and conquered by it [flesh] too. For it is not the same thing not to get conquered, and to conquer that which was continually overthrowing us. A third is, that it [flesh] not only conquered it [sin], but even chastised it. For by not sinning it [Christ’s flesh] kept from being conquered, but by dying also, He overcame and condemned it [sin], having made the flesh, that before was so readily made a mock of by it, a plain object of fear to it. In this way then, He at once unnerved its power, and abolished the death by it introduced. For so long as it [sin] took hold of sinners, it with justice kept pressing to its end. But after finding a sinless body, when it [sin] had given it [Christ’s body] up to death, it was condemned as having acted unjustly. Do you observe, how many proofs of victory there are? The flesh not being conquered by sin, Its even conquering and condemning it, Its not condemning it [sin] barely, but condemning it as having sinned. For after having convicted it of injustice, he proceeds to condemn it, and that not by power and might barely, but even by the rules of justice. For this is what he means by saying, “for sin condemned sin in the flesh.”

What is lacking in this interpretation? Any mention of vicarious punishment.

Cedar Waxwings, Hanging in There

The surviving birds, 39 of them I think, are doing well, so far. Now it's just a waiting game, to see if they can stand the stress of captivity long enough to grow their damaged feathers back.

Amber keeps them in a 6-foot-long aquarium, rather than a cage, to protect them from drafts. She puts two cat dishes in the tank, each with two bowls, and every three hours she has to refill those bowls and clean out the bottom of the tank, shoving the birds gently first to one side, then to the other, to accomplish this.

We (that is, the Area Rehabbers Klub) have been receiving some donations toward the estimated $1,000 it will take to rehabilitate these birds. Of particular interest to us is one from the State Senate, with this note:

Enclosed is a check for $200.00 from the Senate Employees Fund to assist your efforts to rehabilitate the cedar waxwings which were injured at the General Assembly Building.

Unfortunately, in our efforts to correct a health issue with the pigeons, another species suffered. This was certainly not the intention and this office deeply regrest the loss of some of the cedar waxwings.

We appreciate the good works of you and your colleagues at ARK and are encouraged by your efforts to save the surviving cedar waxwings. We know that this is a difficult and costly task and hope that this donation will be helpful.

With kind regards, I am

sincerely yours,

[Clerk of the Senate]

Very nice.

But still... it's like saying unfortunatley in my effort to posion rats, I poisoned your dog, not realizing he would get to the bait first...

Update: We have now received a $100 donation from the Governor of Virginia and his wife. Now THAT kind of recognition is cool! They also mentioned the waxwings in their kind note.

Driving me Nuts

I never want to do anything these days. Not only do I not want to be reminded of my woes, but don't tell me about my responsibilities, either! I don't want to face them. I have people I've promised to e-mail and people I need to call and dishes to do and floors to mop and I don't want to think about any of it! I'd rather crawl into bed and curl up there and stay there, with a pile of murder mysteries and a whole book full of sudoku puzzles. (Billions of them from easy to evil, are here, and you can even cheat by asking, "How am I doing?")

But fortunately for me, I can't give in to that, because Demetrios, with his broken foot, upon which he is not allowed to put any weight, needs help with things like showering and fetching and carrying, and he wants to have all sorts of conversations, and he wants his daily outing, which lasts a couple of hours in the car.

Every day we get out of the house for a drive. This is what I least like to do, because, although we have become quite the experts at getting Demetrios from house to car, it still terrifies me. But he can't stand being "closed by four walls". So we get dressed, which always lifts our spirits even when I'd rather stay in my gown and bathrobe, and we find little errands to do at the post office or pharmacy or bank or dry cleaner's. We stop somewhere for a snack lunch. We just drive around. We explore neighborhoods we never even knew were there, or admire the countryside, making remarks such as, "How wonderful a thing is a tree!" It gets us out of the house for a while. And we both always feel better afterwards.

I still don't want to do it.

Demetrios, God bless him, is always trying to make me laugh. If you don't know him, the best way I can try to explain it is, at times he can be like a cartoon character come to life. If you do know him, you know what I mean, and that he cannot fail. All he has to do is make one funny face and I laugh. And laugh. Until I cry. And cry.

How's That Again?

Nope, still not feeling like tackling anything serious. So here's a selection from the malapropisms my father used to collect. We still add to his collection now that his memory has failed him, and the collection has grown to some 40 pages. I've chosen for you some that were nearly all said by our family and friends, pastors and teachers.

Dad, of course, is the sort who always categorized everything. I've put a letter in front of each saying to denote its category.

Categories

A = Absurdity
B = Belaboring the obvious
C = Confusing (ambiguous);
M = Missing Word or Misplaced modifier or verb
W = Wrong or Mixed Metaphor
S = Slip of the tongue
X = Can’t Classify



A The main thing to worry about is not to get tensed up. – GMU professor

A The shuttle service will operate Monday through Friday morning every half-hour on the hour beginning at 7:15 a.m. and ending at 8:15 p.m. – USAir office memo

A Message on answering machine: Don’t forget to check for recorded messages. –George Weber

A I had left by the time I wrote that message in the sand. – Mom

A We’re going to get her well if it kills her. –Dad

A "What’s Millie’s last name?" - "Millie who?" - Aunt Audrey and Uncle Bob

A Why don’t you find out when the five o’clock mass is? – Ruth Duffy

A You’re older than I am now, but that won’t last. – Anastasia

A Wildebeest always walk single-file; at least the one I saw did. –Clyde Friar

A It feels like it hurts, but it doesn’t. – Mom

A I have an acute case of the blahs. – the Rev. William Wells

B It’s better not to have been in love than never to have loved at all. – Anastasia

A March comes earlier this year. – Mom

A Try desperately to remain calm. – Dr. Ron Roth, GMU

W I’m losing sight of my hearing. – Tisho Holtby, my niece

A I want nothing but silence in this room, and very little of that! –Teacher

A This twin is more identical than that one.

A We may be identical twins, but there the difference ends. –Garrison Keillor

A I don’t want to wake up some morning dead. – Grandma Jones

A We were sitting on our hands, biting our fingernails! – John Barclay Burns

A He was dead before I ever met him. – Dallas Hunter

A She’s teaching me humility, and I’m making wonderful progress.

A Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named John. – Grandpa Hafford

A My favorite time of day is night. – Erin Kendall

A Children interfere with family life.

B It is far better to have a single friend than a hundred enemies. – Anastasia

B It is far better to have a hundred friends than one enemy. – Anastasia

A We lived on an uninhabited island in Hawaii, doing bird research. –Meg Creech, referring to Rabbit Island

A If you get killed by a bear, don’t come crying to me! – Mom, to Dad, protesting his plan to hike on the Appalachian Trail

X There’s nothing you don’t know that others don’t know, too. – Demetrios Theodoridis

A Our government could never make it in the private sector. – Anastasia

A If you get lost, just come back. – Mom

A It would take a lot of these [hamsters] to make a mink coat. – Demetrios Theodoridis

A A patient was yelling. After the injection, the yelling was inaudible. – Nurse’s report.

A A little pain never hurt anyone. – Dad

B Something imminent is about to happen. – John Barclay Burns

A For as long as you are here in this church, time and space do not exist. – Priest

A Anyone who has come from the depths to which I have risen has to be a miracle. – Marion Barry, D. C. Former Mayor

W …sticking your head out on a limb. – Tisho Holtby

W I’m going to hang up the towel. – Tisho Holtby

B I never had an accident of my own choosing. – Mom

A You and I make a great trio. – Jane Sargent

A What year was 1956? – Bob Hafford

A You need justice. Call the law firm of _____ and tip the scales of justice in your favor.

A I won’t go to your viewing if you don’t go to mine. – Annie Hunter

A The seconds go by faster on your microwave than on mine. – Mom

A I don’t know; I can’t think; I have to concentrate. – Mom

A The secret to having a good conversation with her is to let her do all the talking. – Anastasia

B History takes time. – Dr. Salman Kahn

A If only I didn’t have to use the leg that hurts, I could walk just fine! – Mom

B He was still alive, you know, during the last few years of his life. – Demetrios Theodoridis

A I’ve lived a lot longer than most people my age. – Daphne’s uncle

Please Don't Remind me of my Troubles!

Today I am definitely not in the mood for anything serious like religion or theologizing. Playful is the thing for today! So here is my favorite optical illusion. I'm sure somebody can make some theological point using this to illustrate it, but that somebody will not be I!

Does it move for you? That's the illusion! It isn't really moving at all.

(You have to put your contacts in! And it won't move if you view it from across the room, so try different distances if you don't see the wheels rotating.)

UPDATE: The movement can be seen much better in large scale. If you click on the image, you will see a substantial enlargement.

There is No Fix For Stupid

"I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!"

Car upside down in the bay - see guy standing on it?

















Coming back up....coming...coming




















OOPS!

















Time to get a bigger wrecker!




















Ok, we got the car...let's get the other wrecker now!




















Who's gonna explain this one to the insurance guys?


This makes my day seem not so bad after all!



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Laying on the Guilt (?)

A lot of the time, it is our [pastors’] job to make people feel guilty. And that’s a good thing.

(Once again, this is from the same blog as my previous two posts, and from its post entitled, “Lent for Dummies”.)

Is there a difference between helping people acknowledge their guilt and making them ”feel guilty?” I think there is and that it is rather important.

Thinking over the various sermons in the New Testament, such as Christ’s, St. Peter’s, or St. Paul’s before Festus and before Agrippa, I don’t really see any of them trying to work on anybody’s emotions, although they do confront people with their sins. St. John the Forerunner excoriates people, as did other prophets before Him, and Christ blasts the scribes and the Pharisees for their hypocrisy. St. Peter tells his hearers they have wickedly seized Christ and crucified Him, and they are pricked in their hearts. So from these examples we can see there’s nothing amiss with reminding people of their sins. It needs to be done. If that is what’s meant, good.

But there’s a real danger here, or at least I think there is, of this sort of thing degenerating into manipulation, or what we may call emotional blackmail. I am *not* supposing the author of the words I've quoted is at all guilty of this, but I bring it up because we’ve all heard preachers who do it. But Christians need to take care to avoid this unChristian method. Conversion is not something we seek to extort or that could even be genuine if we were to “succeed” that way.

Notice St. Peter’s approach, for example, in Acts 2. He doesn’t begin by trying to lay a guilt trip on his hearers with the intention of later exploiting it – even for their own benefit. Instead, St. Peter begins his sermon with the Good News. Only much later does he briefly remind his hearers of their guilt. Surely this is a better approach than to begin by heaping on the guilt. Why? For a couple of reasons.

First, because most people haven’t the courage really, truly, and honestly to face up to themselves and their sins unless you utterly break them down in what amounts to psychological cruelty. (The end does not justify such means!) But if you properly present to them the Lord of Love, the Lord of Life and Light – again, soberly, avoiding emotional manipulation in doing so – and if the Holy Spirit through your words reveals that strong, unconditional Love to them, then they are fortified by Him to face anything, even themselves. And they will do it! The preacher won’t have to do much, if anything, to induce it; certainly not pile on the guilt, for the same Holy Spirit Who brought them to Jesus’ Love will also prompt them to acknowledge their sinful condition (of which they were already aware, on some level). They will do it with a godly, joyous sorrow.

Secondly, if you do as Jesus did with Zacchaeus (for example), first extending the wondrous, infinite Love, then you get a response such as his, a repentance accomplished for Love’s sake and accompanied by fruits befitting repentance. Zacchaeus, with great joy, gave half his possessions to the poor and to the many he had cheated, he gave back four times the amount he had taken from them. That’s to say, he became a giver himself, a joyful lover, after the model of his Savior and participating in His loving.

When my sister, Barbara, first began attending Orthodox services, she spent the first several months weeping her way through the Divine Liturgy, weeping for her sins, yet weeping with joy. What always got her started was, of all things, the Beatitudes!

But if you try to convert people by provoking in them an emotional crisis of guilt, then their motivation will almost certainly be narrowly focused and self-serving; namely, to alleviate that guilt you have induced. Moreover, their “conversion” is apt to be shallow, a matter of emotion rather than of the deep human spirit, something that wears off after the emotional crisis has eased. You likely end up not with a giver but a consumer of love, and only a sometime consumer, at that.

None of this is to say there is no emotion in true conversion. To the contrary, the emotion is usually huge. But it is, so to speak, a symptom, a spillover effect, rather than the substance of the matter. Therefore, a preacher should not take the artificial approach of seeking to provoke the symptom (emotions), but should address the human spirit, which dwells at a far more profound level than emotions. That is where true conversion takes place. And, as best I can tell, only the transforming Love of God can reach there.