Christmas Photos

Sydney, thrilled to have found candy in her stocking.










The whole gathering, photographed by me. Front: Jeff (son-in-law), Sydney, Mom. Back: Demetrios, Erin, Wendy, Mike (our brother)

Demetrios



Bliss: Sydney with her Grandma


My other grandchildren, who weren't able to be with us: Kelly and the Twins. No, I can't tell which is which in these photos, especially with their new, "big boy" haircuts. I believe the one in the red plaid shirt is Connor; the other, Ryan.

Not to Be Missed

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Fr. Stephen hits the nail on the head again!

Our human problem is much deeper than anything forensic, and it cannot be cured by behaving well.

Check it out.

Farewells

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Wendy flew back to California today. My poor sister had to say goodbye both to Dad and to Barbara without knowing ...

She is taking it with enormous grace and dignity. Her motto, from 1 Thessalonians 5:18, is, "In every thing, give thanks."

Oh, I already wrote that in a previous post, didn't I?

Well, it's worth saying again. In every thing, give thanks.

Dad

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Now I find out that while we were in Greece, some decisions were made about my Dad. In short, “they”, whoever that may be, are just going to let him die. All his heart medications have been discontinued, including his Coumadin, a blood thinner. Without that, he is subject to a blood clot at any moment, which could go to his heart or brain or lungs and kill him instantly. His pacemaker, which used to be monitored once a month to be sure it was working correctly, is no longer being monitored at all.

I don’t know. I’m exhausted and grieving and at this point I don’t even know the rights from the wrongs of it. He is too far gone to be in any emotional distress; likewise he isn’t in any physical discomfort. It doesn’t seem right just to give up on him. On the other hand, he is doesn’t know where he is or what is happening, so there doesn’t seem to be much reason not to let nature take her course.

Not that any of this is up to me. It’s up to “them”, with Mom’s consent.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy!

Merry Christmas!

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We had a merry Christmas. With Dad’s dementia so far progressed, and with my sister Barbara in extremis, we had expected it to be bittersweet, but in fact it was a happy time, a time when for a while we put our troubles aside and rejoiced very much as usual.

Mom came, and my brother and other sister, and my daughter, with her husband and little Sydney Elizabeth, who, if you ask her, will tell you she is two and a half.

Flashback: I am squatting on my heels to get down to the eye level of the newest tike in the toddler’s Sunday School room. “Welcome,” I say. “What is your name?”

“Johnny.”

“Well, Johnny, we’re very glad you’re here. And how old are you?”

“I’m three and a half, except at the airport. At the airport, I’m under two.”

I had worked hard to make Christmas as merry as possible in the circumstances, getting the house clean and decorated, planning a menu and shopping and cooking; and when everyone arrived, we had cheerful carols playing and the smell of apple pie in the air, and the pumpkin pie newly put in the oven.

On the spur of the moment, we invited our next-door neighbors, Frances and Dickie, to join our feast after church on Christmas Eve. That made it even more special.

Dickie hasn’t been able to work since his heart surgery this fall, so money is tight for them this year. Yet they brought us a $40 gift certificate to a restaurant. We will take them along when we eat there.

When the meal was done, we all piled into two cars and drove around our neighborhood to see the Christmas lights. They are always quite spectacular, because every street is lined with luminaries, thousands of them in all, and the lake is always strung with lights all the way around it, that reflect in the water.

Dickie, in the lead car, also took us to another neighborhood where the lights were even fancier.

I think my favorite memory from this year will be opening the gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. Halfway through, little Sydney disappeared with one of hers, and when we called her and her father said, “Come open some more presents!” she called back, from upstairs, “No. NO MORE PRESENTS!”

There’s a lesson there somewhere.

Barbara also had a merry Christmas. Her husband and daughters came to her hospital room and opened their presents there. We tried to give Madison (11) and Elizabeth (7) extra things this year, and they were delighted with everything. Daniel had cooked the Christmas meal and had brought it along.

The girls had both made cards for their mother. Madison’s read, “Together OR apart, I am always with you and thinking about you.” (When asked, she clarified that “apart” meant even when her mother was in the hospital instead of at home.)

Lizzie had drawn a swan (standing up, not swimming!) with musical notes coming from her open mouth, and had written, “You are like a swan in my heart, singing to me.”

My sister Wendy, the one visiting from California, came back to Mom’s place in Springfield on Christmas afternoon; Mom and I followed the day after, so we can visit Barbara every day. She’s an hour away in Baltimore.

Demetrios is coming tomorrow.

And since Christmas lasts twelve days, I think it isn’t too late to wish all of you a merry Christmas, as well!

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

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Anybody know a cure for a mirror whose reflection grows worse and worse every time I look into it?

Two "Fleshly" Hymns

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Here are the words to a very beloved hymn, Jesus the Very thought of Thee:

Jesus, the very thought of Thee
With sweetness fills the breast;
But sweeter far Thy face to see,
And in Thy presence rest.

O hope of every contrite heart,
O joy of all the meek,
To those who fall, how kind Thou art!
How good to those who seek!

But what to those who find? Ah, this
Nor tongue nor pen can show;
The love of Jesus, what it is,
None but His loved ones know.

O Jesus, King most wonderful
Thou Conqueror renowned,
Thou sweetness most ineffable
In Whom all joys are found!

O Jesus, light of all below,
Thou fount of living fire,
Surpassing all the joys we know,
And all we can desire.

Celestial Sweetness unalloyed,
Who eat Thee hunger still;
Who drink of Thee still feel a void
Which only Thou canst fill.

Did you catch the motive here? It is stated in the first couplet: to feel sweetness, and that feeling is explicitly carnal; it “fills the breast.” In the second couplet of verse 1, we are projecting carnal gratification into heaven. Is it not carnal to seek pleasure? and still carnal to look for that pleasure to be intensified in heaven? (Seventy-two virgins instead of only the 4 a Muslim is allowed on earth?) And to seek and find more bliss in Jesus than in earthly things is still using religion to serve the carnal self.

In verse 3, we have a bit of exclusivity intruding itself. Everyone is among “His loved ones.” The only ones who do not know what the love of Jesus is are those who do not love Him back.

And what’s going on in that last verse? Jesus said quite the opposite to the Samaritan woman He met at Jacob’s well. "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life." (See the whole story in John 4.)

Only carnal pleasure can never be enough for us and leave a "void" we seek to fill by more of the same.

Note the very similar carnality and error in another hymn, Jesu Joy, by the same author (Bernard of Clairvaux).

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Jesus, Thou Joy of loving hearts,
Thou Fount of life, Thou Light of men,
From the best bliss that earth imparts,
We turn unfilled to Thee again.

Thy truth unchanged hath ever stood;
Thou savest those that on Thee call;
To them that seek Thee Thou art good,
To them that find Thee all in all.

We taste Thee, O Thou living Bread,
And long to feast upon Thee still;
We drink of Thee, the Fountainhead,
And thirst our souls from Thee to fill.

Our restless spirits yearn for Thee,
Wherever our changeful lot is cast;
Glad when Thy gracious smile we see,
Blessed when our faith can hold Thee fast.

O Jesus, ever with us stay,
Make all our moments calm and bright;
Chase the dark night of sin away,
Shed over the world Thy holy light.

We want to feel "calm" and "bright", and we want the security of Jesus with us, an anchor in this changeful world. In short, we want comfort.

Feel-good-ism is the subject of almost every stanza of both hymns, and feel-good-ism is not spiritual, but downright carnal.

"Carnal" has to do with (a) gratifying our passions and (b) focusing upon our earthly needs instead of, or even at the expense of, our spiritual well-being.

(a) Gratifying our passions means especially anything that feeds the central one, pride. It takes countless forms, catering to our lusts for feeling good, for feeling I am okay, for feeling I am a notch or two above you. (I am serving the “King most wonderful … Conqueror renowned.” I am one of those chosen who know about Jesus’ love.)

(b) Earthly needs are things like good weather, for which the Orthodox pray daily, or good health. There is nothing wrong or unspiritual about praying for our singing abou our fleshly needs. But notice where the focus is in the prime example, the Lord's Prayer. What comes first? God and His agenda. "Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done." Only then do we get to a very basic, earthly need of ours: "Give us this day our daily bread" and then we move on to pray for some spiritual needs: "And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." Then we go right back to praising God in His own right, for Himself: "For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory, unto ages of ages, Amen." The focus is not upon my earthly needs; much less is this prayer *exclusively* about those. And it contains nothing at all of the passions, no "how wonderful I feel" or "how terrific to be among the chosen", no sentimentality, not a single warm fuzzy at all.

Yes, there are emotional elements in our relationship with Christ and emotions by definition always have a physical component. But it's worth noting what the emotional content consists of in a spiritual person: ardent love -- for God in Himself. If we love God, sure, it will affect our whole being, not excluding emotions and body. The problem is if those warm fuzzies become our focus instead of God Himself, if they distract us from Him; then, in the guise of loving Him, we are really loving and worshipping ourselves and our own pleasure. Singing about the "consolations" (or worse yet, cultivating them), betokens not holiness, but fleshliness. And almost every line of these two hymns, while purporting to be about Jesus, actually emphasizes the warm fuzzies. Please re-read the words and see if there is not a subtle shift away from loving Christ and toward how pleasing and beneficial it is to me to love Him.

We are to worship God with body and soul, mind and heart and strength. Thus, with our bodies we make the Sign of the Cross, we genuflect or bow, we prostrate ourselves. Note carefully, though, the role of the body here is not to receive pleasures, but to worship God. In the body we receive the Holy Communion (or any other sacrament) but the object of this is not to please the body or even please our minds and emotions, but to please God, viz., to worship Him, and to be made holy and whole -- so as to please Him more.

Yes, without question, there IS blessedness in salvation, but of what does it consist? Not of being filled with pleasurable feelings, but to be continually emptying myself, as God does, pouring out myself and my love, to Him and to my fellow man.

Fr. John Romanides has a wonderful chapter related to this in his book, The Ancestral Sin, which I highly recommend to everybody. Here is an excerpt:

"Be ye therefore perfect as your Father Who is in heaven is perfect" does not mean that man must become perfect as the self-loving, self-contented God of philosophy and of certain Scholastics of the West, but perfect as the God...Who is free of all necessity and selfishness. The destiny of man, as imagined by Augustine, Aquinas, Calvin, Ritschl, and others of the West, is self-centered eudaemonia attained by supposedly identifying the mind with the reality in the essence of God. This is supposed to cause a cessation of all movement of the mind and will toward any other person or thing since there is nothing more desirable for the human intellect than the divine essence... Such theories of eudaemonia simply project and elevate to a divine level the force that rules in the world, the force of necessity and self-interest called "fate" by the ancients. But man was not made for the purpose of finding satisfaction of the supposedly natural, self-centered longings within himself and, thus, of becoming unmoved and dispassionate. On the contrary, he was specifically made so he can love God and his fellow man with the same love that God as for the world. Love that arises out of self-interest is alien to the nature of God just as it is alien to the original destiny of man. (p. 106)

Further along, Fr. John adds:

Man was not made to be self-seeking and drawn by the supreme One so that, once he has been joined with it, man would cease to desire anything. If in fact the destiny of the soul is to incline toward the highest good and to find self-contentment in it, what kind of relationship can the soul have with secondary beings it if should ever achieve its goal? If the soul becomes totally satisfied by its union with the One, how can it also be inclined toward other beings like itself, or even lower beings, and maintain a relationship of love with them also? (pp. 112-113)

German you Didn't Think you Knew (A Quiz)

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Can you match the German expressions on the left with their English equivalents on the right? Yes, you can, if you sound it out!


1.) Das Hasardspiel........................___ X-rays

2.) Der Dudelsack..........................___ Hay fever

3.) Die Sternschnuppe....................___ Game of chance

4.) Die Tankstelle..........................___ Shooting star

5.) Die Röntgenstrahlen................___ Gas station

6.) Der Stecker.............................___ Electric plug

7.) Das Fingerspitzengefühl..........___ Sorcerer

8.) Der Panzerschrank..................___ go crazy

9.) Das Hufeisen...........................___ Old Glory

10.) Der Hexenmeister...................___ hangover

11.) Die Heuschnuppe....................___ suspenders

12.) überschnappen......................___ bagpipes

13.) Der Sockenhalter...................___ Brussels sprouts

14.) Der Tutnichtgut....................___ horseshoe

15.) Der Schnellimbiss..................___ goosebumps

16.) Die Steckdose........................___ sure instinct

17.) Der Katzenjammer................___ soap bubbles

18.) Der Rosenkohl......................___ snack

19.) Die Seifeblase.......................___ ne’er-do-well

20.) Das Sternenbanner..............___ electrical outlet

21.) Die Gänsehaut......................___ the safe

Believe What?

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From Mark 9:

27 When Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out and saying, "Son of David, have mercy on us!"
28 And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?"
They said to Him, "Yes, Lord."
29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, "According to your faith let it be to you." 30 And their eyes were opened.

You are not required to believe God WILL do this or that wondrous work in order for Him to perform it. You just have to believe He is able. For me, that's very easy.

If one had to believe that every request absolutely WOULD get a "Yes" answer, then Jesus, when He prayed in the Garden, would not have added, "But Thy will, not mine, be done."

That, for me, is sometimes less easy.

But at least I now more clearly realize there need be no guilt-tripping if God, in His infinite love and wisdom, should say, "No."

Pieces of Miracles

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One must always hope, says Demetrios.

“Well, I do hope, but not much,” said I, “for fear of being disappointed later.”

“No, no, cast out fear, because fear is from the devil, and hope bravely! Ask God for a miracle! Tell Him what you want!”

“God already knows what I want,” said I, sobbing.

“By that rationale, we would never pray for anything. No, you still have to tell Him.”

“I know you and others already have been asking Him for a miracle, and we don’t see one so far. And who knows why He grants some people miracles and not others?”

“But remember, Jesus taught us to persist in prayer. Never stop!”

About that, he’s right.

Today, when Wendy and I told our sister Barbara, “We are praying for a miracle,” her reply was, “And we’re getting miracles, one piece at a time.”

True.

She has gotten over her staph infection, even without the benefit of a functioning immune system. Today the antibiotics were discontinued. We still have to wear gowns and gloves to enter her room, and now masks, but that is to protect her – from flu, now that the season has officially begun.

Some small bit of feeling has returned to both her hands, as well.

Barbara says she no longer feels like she is “in the pit of despair.”

Mom has been home from the hospital two days now and seems fine. She is on precautions (a.k.a. aspirin) against further strokes.

This afternoon when we walked over to Dad’s building to visit him, he greeted me by name. He hasn’t been able to say anybody’s name but Mom’s for months. Later on, he even asked where Mike was (my brother).

We were singing Christmas carols again, with the Alzheimer’s patients, and most of the time he couldn’t remember most of the words, but for one brief verse of one carol, he was actually singing harmony. He used to sing bass in his church’s choir.

Two nights ago, in my dreams, I was sitting in a green mountain meadow when Barbara appeared on the scene. I stared at her, incredulously.

“You can walk!” I gasped.

She smiled and said, “And I can run! Watch this!” She began running and I began running after her, over the hill, which gave sight to an incredible Alpine vista. We ran and ran, waving our arms and dancing like Julie Andrews in the opening scenes of The Sound of Music. Then I awoke and an inaudible voice in my brain said, “Not yet. It’s too soon.”

Mom says it was wishful thinking. Demetrios says I mustn’t think it is ever too soon for a miracle. Mom may be right. Demetrios is wrong. Sometimes it is too soon. Jesus didn’t raise Lazarus until he had been dead long enough to erase any doubt.

If God miraculously cured you of typhoid the first time you coughed, you would never know what a great deed had been done for you.

Makes a person wonder how many things like that God has done, without our ever having any clue.

This is so not about me

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Frederica Matthewes-Green writes:

I initially disliked Orthodox worship, because I was used to an approach that aimed at inspiration and uplift—in short, aimed at me. The relentless focus on God alone seemed “hard.” After a few months, though, I discovered that I had a deep-seated hunger for that objective God-focus, though I’d never suspected it before. A female visitor to a Vespers service that was only occasionally in English told me that she didn’t understand much that went on, “But I know one thing: this is so not about me.”

Frederica Matthewes-Green, Men and Church

That’s right. Worship of God is so not about us. For example...

Worship is so not about how we prefer to dress for church. It is about honoring God, Who is worth dressing up for! (But does God really care about outward things? Yes, because they reflect and express the heart.)

Worship is so not about what sort of music we prefer, organ or guitar and drums. It is about what music is appropriate for honoring God. It is music for Him, not for us. That means the right kind of music should be prayerful and sober and not cater to us; viz., to our flesh. And it should come from us. God wants to hear our voices! They are all beautiful voices to Him Who created them.

Worship is so not about inspiring, uplifting, or moving us or giving us the strength to carry on with our dysfunctional lives. It is about repenting from our own, broken lives, turning away from ourselves and toward God, renouncing our lives to receive God’s Life instead, His righteous and eternal Life.

The Christian religion is so not about “happiness”. It is about self-sacrificing love, a.k.a. holiness, which is difficult and often painful.

More Gratitude...

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...for friends!

And especially for Debbi Dillon, my sister's godmother. What a task, what a ministry, she has taken on, and how fabulously she is carrying it out!

(I already have a wonderful godmother, but is it allowed to have two?)

Gratitude for Things Small and Large

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There are two pairs of cardinals outside my window, sitting in the holly tree, the first I've seen in months. Greece doesn't have cardinals.

Greece doesn't have squirrels, either, like the ones playing on my lawn, or chipmunks, except in cages to be sold as "pets". (I have raised and rehabbed enough chipmunks to be able to tell you, they would make terrible pets!)

My sister Wendy has a "life verse": In every thing, give thanks. (I Thess. 5:18) She's right.

Or rather, St. Paul is.

In every thing, give thanks.

Why? Because those who know God know that He, Who loves us better than we can love ourselves and Whose wisdom is fathomless, knows what He is doing. And it is always, always for the best.

We just have to find how to make the best of it.

But we don't wait until then to give thanks.

When it Rains, it Pours

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So Dad's in the nursing home, can hardly walk, and doesn't know his children's names.

My sister, Barbara, is in the hospital battling something called leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, which means cancer wrapped around the sheath of the nervous system. There are masses in her head, at mid-spine, and in the lumbar region. She cannot walk and her right hand is numb. Her left hand is half numb. Her bowel doesn't work as well as it needs to. She has difficulty swallowing and says her tongue doesn't work very well. (Mess with a person's spinal cord and so many things go wrong!) She takes morphine 3 times a day for pain. She has a dangerous staphylococcus infection in her bladder -- and of course no immune system, due to radiation -- so we have to wear gowns and gloves to enter her room. Further, anything that comes into her room (such as a book) isn't allowed to come back out again. Her two girls, ages 7 and 11, haven't been allowed to visit her on account of the contagion. Thank heaven, when there's no immune system, we still have antibiotics.

Mom woke up in the middle of Saturday night feeling numb all up and down her left side. She and my other sister, Wendy, who has flown in from California, went to visit Barbara in the hospital, and while they were there, Mom mentioned that the tingling and numbness on her left side hadn't gone away.

WHAT? My niece and her husband insisted she go downstairs to the Emergency Room. The end of the long story is, it appears she has had a minor stroke. Obviously it must not be very debilitating, because she can walk and talk and do all the things she normally has done. The issue is to prevent more strokes.

Too bad she can't share a room with Barbara. At least they're in the same hospital.

Our family celebration this Christmas is going to be, shall we say, interesting! Nevertheless, in some fashion or another, celebrate we shall. Christ is born to put everything, in the end, to rights. He who died and rose again is born to be our Example, Guide, Companion, Rock and yes, our Heaven meanwhile, while we are still racing toward the finish line.

Hostility and Love in Culture

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You arrive at church just as the service is beginning, or maybe you even arrive a bit late. There are no more seats. In America, that would mean you stand throughout the service. In Greece, nobody stands very long because everyone who has seats shares them.

You accompany your loved one from the ER to his newly-assigned hospital room. It’s a double room, and you subconsciously feel bad, because another family is in the room, and they want to talk with their loved one, while you want to talk with yours, and each group will be something of a nuisance to the other, intruding upon a private situation, and you have to remind yourself you have as much right to be here as they have, so if they don’t like it, too bad.

It isn’t that way in Greece. There, you arrive in the double hospital room and the other family is glad to see you, glad for the company. They introduce themselves and inquire about you and your circumstances, and instead of two separate conversations, it’s all one big one, everyone included.

You stand in line in a Greek shop but there is no jealous guarding of ones place. Instead, someone ahead of you suggests you go first, because you are carrying packages and she isn’t.

It has made me realize something of the extent to which I have been victimized by the rampant individualism so characteristic of my culture. Somehow it ends up putting us into competition with one another instead of cooperation. Somehow it trains us to approach others as rivals, whether for the same seats or the same hospital space or an advantageous place in the line or on the bus. It renders our stance toward others as basically hostile. You are going to take what you want/need at my expense, unless I beat you to it, taking it for myself at your expense.

No wonder people in our culture don’t want to live near each other, as is natural for human beings. Instead, people dream of moving out onto 3 acres (minimum) where they can have “privacy” and not be “bothered” by any neighbors.

It reminds me of that old story about the people in hell, who were sitting at a sumptuous banquet but starving to death, because their forearms had grown so long the people couldn’t get their forks anywhere near their mouths. The people in heaven had similar forearms, but they were all sharing in the feast by feeding each other.