Monday, November 30, 2009

And Thou Shalt Not be Zapped*

From the Holy Prophet Zechariah (9:9-17)

9 "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!
Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem!
Behold, your King is coming to you;

And wonder of wonders, thou shalt not be zapped.*

He is just and having salvation,
Lowly and riding on a donkey,
A colt, the foal of a donkey.

And thou shalt not be zapped, even thou thou deservest it, and it saith right here "He is just." To the contrary, ye shall have peace.*

10 I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim
And the horse from Jerusalem;
The battle bow shall be cut off.
He shall speak peace to the nations;
His dominion shall be 'from sea to sea,
And from the River to the ends of the earth.'

And thou shalt not be zapped. Thou shalt be rescued.*

11 "As for you also,
Because of the blood of your covenant,
I will set your prisoners free from the waterless pit.
12 Return to the stronghold,
You prisoners of hope.
Even today I declare
That I will restore double to you.

And thou shalt not be zapped.* In fact, whatever woes your iniquity hath brought upon you, I will make it all good, twice over! But thine enemies shall indeed be zapped. (The Christian, of course, interprets these as spiritual enemies: demons, temptations, and the like.)

13 For I have bent Judah, My bow,
Fitted the bow with Ephraim,
And raised up your sons, O Zion,
Against your sons, O Greece,
And made you like the sword of a mighty man."
14 Then the Lord will be seen over them,
And His arrow will go forth like lightning.
The Lord God will blow the trumpet,
And go with whirlwinds from the south.
15 The Lord of hosts will defend them;
They shall devour and subdue with slingstones.
They shall drink and roar as if with wine;
They shall be filled with blood like basins,
Like the corners of the altar.

And thou shalt not be zapped. Instead, thou shalt be saved.*

16 The Lord their God will save them in that day,
As the flock of His people.

And thou shalt not be zapped. Instead, thou shalt rejoice.*

For they shall be like the jewels of a crown,
Lifted like a banner over His land--
17 For how great is its goodness
And how great its beauty!
Grain shall make the young men thrive,
And new wine the young women.

* However, if thou repentest not, thou shalt not be UNzapped, either.