Widows have occasionally told me you have to set a limit to your crying; otherwise, they say, you can drown in your tears; you can become lost in grief and be in danger of never coming back.
So I decided to follow my sister’s example. Barbara, when she was battling cancer, allowed herself five minutes a day for what she called “meltdown,” and no more. Okay, so she was braver than I am; I decided to allow myself 15.
Demetrios reminds me that if we cry to God, though, if we do our crying in His presence, laying our burdens before Him, we need not fear to cry as long as the tears come. Our Good Shepherd will never let us be lost.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Rod and Staff
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:15 PM 3 comments
Labels: Christian Life
The Hand You are Dealt
Is your plane falling from the sky? There’s not a thing you can do about it. Deal with it. Are you next in line for the guillotine or the firing squad or to be thrown to the lions? Are 15 floors of your office building burning, and you’re on the 40th floor and there’s no way out? Brace yourself, say your prayers, deal with it. Are you going to be paralyzed for the rest of your life? Are you going to lose an arm or a leg? Is something rotten in Denmark? Deal with it. Or don’t, depending upon whether you wish to minimize or multiply the trouble. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but there’s really only one sane option: deal with it.
“Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart” – never forget the hope! – “and you’ll never walk alone.”
Unless, of course, you fail to keep on loving, or at least striving to love, no matter what. Fail there and yes, for practical purposes, you will be very much alone.
P.S.) Deal with it HOW? I don't know. I do not know. But this I do know, that God will show His own what they need to do, when they need to do it.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:15 AM 0 comments
Labels: Christian Life
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Spirit and Emotion
"Be angry and sin not; may the sun not set upon your wrath." (Ephesians 4:26)
Your spirit goes in one direction; your feelings go in another. It is the spirit that counts! The feelings, says the shrink (my husband), are literally embedded in the tissues of your brain. They don't just go away. In fighting the good fight, we are literally battling our own bodies. The point is to keep fighting.
But if we become spiritually advanced, aren’t the feelings eventually supposed to fall in line with our true will? Yes, and eventually they will. But it takes a very long time for this (literally physcial!) healing to happen. In the meanwhile, the doctor says, a key thing is not to stimulate your bad feelings, not to keep nursing them or even thinking about them. Starve them out!
I know this is true, because long ago, while I was still a catechumen, there was a person I simply couldn’t forgive. I discussed it with a wise priest and he gave me various bits of advice long since forgotten. But what I remember clearly, because it startled me so, was what he said when I asked him shouldn’t I pray for this person? He said, “NO!”
“No? But didn’t Jesus teach us to pray for such people?”
“Yes, He did. But that’s for mature Christians. In your case, the applicable teaching is, ‘Flee evil.’ Every time a thought about this person begins to occur to you, wrench your mind away from that thought and fix your attention firmly elsewhere.”
So I did. For several years. And then, one night, the forgiveness just came – all unbidden, seemingly from nowhere, in a rush of tears.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:31 PM 0 comments
Labels: Christian Life
One Cause of "Atheism"
Please read this by Fr. Stephen Freeman. The comments are also edifying.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 12:01 PM 1 comments
Labels: Atheism, Christian Life, Who God Is, Wrath and Punishment
Four Monks
An Account Demetrios Recently Read
(But Can’t Remember Where)
Four brothers all decided to become monks and to share the same cell. Unfortunately, they are all hot-tempered, and every single day they quarreled. The other monks were extremely sad to hear the shouting going on every day. What they didn’t know was that after every fight, the brothers would always repent, ask forgiveness from God and from each other, and make up.
One day the monks heard no shouting from the four brothers. When the silence had lasted a long time, the monks decided to go check on the brothers, to see what was happening. They found all four of them prostrate on the floor, foreheads to the ground, bowing before each other and God – and all four dead.
"Blessed are those servants whom the master, when he comes, will find watching. Assuredly, I say to you that he will gird himself and have them sit down to eat, and will come and serve them.” (Luke 12:37)
But of course, He didn’t simply happen to find these brothers watching and repenting. He purposely sought them at the right time.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 11:28 AM 0 comments
Labels: Christian Life
Not Yet
We came back home. The doctor (Demetrios) says it is going to take Dad anywhere from 2-7 days to die, depending on what takes him first.
Mom is to call us when he reaches the coma stage, and that, God willing, is when we plan to go up there again. Then we will make sure one of his family is always with him; nobody should die alone.
He opened his eyes tonight and smiled at us. I shall always remember that.
Kyrie, eleison!
Kyrie, eleison!
Kyrie, eleison!
P.S. Today is Barbara's birthday.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 12:34 AM 7 comments
Friday, August 29, 2008
Once Again
Once again, the call; the hospice nurse doesn't expect Dad to be alive by this time tomorrow. Once again, I don't know if anybody is crying wolf. This time, it's clear he needs antibiotics (has a very high fever). Perhaps, with antibiotics, he could recover once again from whatever infection this is. Once again, nobody has mentioned to me yet whether he is to receive any.
Once again, Demetrios and I will drive up there this evening.
Once again, please keep praying.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 3:30 PM 3 comments
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
KIND OF AN ODE TO DUTY
by Ogden Nash
(one of my favorite humorists)
O Duty,
Why hast thou not the visage of a sweetie or a cutie?
Why displayest thou the countenance of the kind of
conscientious organizing spinster
That the minute you see her you are aginster?
Why glitter thy spectables so ominously?
Why are thou clad so abominously?
Why art thou so different from Venus
And why do thou and I have so few interests mutually
in common between us?
Why art thou fifty per cent. martyr
And fifty-one per cent. Tartar?
Why is it thy unfortunate wont
To try to attract people by calling on them either to
leave undone the deeds they like, or to do the deeds
they don't?
Why are thou so like an April post mortem
On something that died in the ortumn?
Above all, why dost thou continue to hound me?
Why art thou always albatrossly hanging around me?
Thou so ubiquitous,
And I so iniquitous.
I seem to be the one person in the world thou art
perpetually preaching at who or to who;
Whatever looks like fun, there art thou standing between
me and it, and calling yoo-hoo.
O Duty, Duty!
How noble a man should I be hadst thou the visage
of a sweetie or a cutie!
Wert thou but houri instead of hag
Then would my halo indeed be in the bag!
But as it is thou art so much forbiddinger than a
Wodehouse hero's forbiddingest aunt
That in the words of the poet, When Duty
whispers low, Thou must, this erstwhile youth replies
I just can't.
This is what "duty" always looks like to us - yet the very same reality appears beautiful to us when motivated by love.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:21 PM 1 comments
Labels: Christian Life, humor
Blog Note
My computer came down with about 247 viruses after my protection service had lapsed. As a result, my blogroll has been displaying incorrectly. I think it's in good working order now, though.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 9:56 AM 1 comments
Monday, August 25, 2008
Fountain of Life
Angelina Bombolina (the orphaned mouse) crawls onto my hand eagerly as soon as I put it near her. Then she goes crazy, wriggling in my fingers, desperately looking for the miniature rubber nipple she has learned is somewhere nearby. I have to make her lie upon my third finger and grasp her head firmly with thumb and first two fingers, to hold her still long enough to make the connection. I squeeze one droplet of formula onto her mouth and then she calms down, opens up, and begins drinking.
The three infant squirrels start making sucking movements as soon as I pick them up. Blind and helpless, they, too, nose about greedily for their meal and require to be controlled and stilled before they can find it.
Somewhere in there, there's got to be an allegory of the Christian life.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 12:26 PM 4 comments
Labels: Christian Life, Prayer
A Family Weekend
This weekend, my father's brother and sister, both octogenarians themselves, came to visit him. Aunt Pat also brought her two daughters, Penny and Cindy. My brother, Mike, also came, and so did Tisho, Wendy's eldest, with Madison, Barbara's daughter.
So great to see everyone, especially feeling and looking so well! Penny and Cindy lost their father in 1989; he also had Parkinson's, with dementia, so they know exactly what it's like. Cindy is also a breast cancer survivor; I remember Barbara stepping up and providing all kinds of moral support at the time. Aunt Pat once had breast cancer, too. She looks wonderful today! Very pretty at the age of 86. Three years ago, she re-married, this time to her college sweetheart. Uncle Dick says he feels great; he walks unaided and is going to be 90 next March. He looks enough like Dad that seeing him was a little like seeing my Dad healthy and whole again.
Madison has had some sort of adolescent blossoming and has turned beautiful, even more so than she was just three weeks ago when I last saw her; I couldn't keep my eyes off her.
We looked through old family photos I (as family archivist) had brought, and at things our common ancestors had written, some of which I intend to share here, and had a grand time reminiscing, and an even better time getting reacquainted.
Mom and Madison and Cindy got a kick out of holding wee Angelina Bombolina, who turns out to be not a Deer Mouse, as I had first thought/hoped, but an ordinary House Mouse. Still adorable. She was a bigger hit than the three infant squirrels, who, still hairless and blind, aren't yet as cute.
Growing older has made us realize the value of staying in better touch! What we've missed by not knowing our cousins better over the years!
Here's Dad's birthday photo, taken by a friend who goes around to the nursing care unit and takes birthday pictures of the residents there. I don't know exactly when it was taken, but fairly recently. Must've been in a quite lucid moment, that he was able to cooperate by smiling. There IS still somebody home, behind those eyes.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 10:50 AM 1 comments
Labels: family
Friday, August 22, 2008
If You Ever Encounter a Bat (Please Read)
A Few Dos and Don’ts
Pr. Harju’s recent misadventure with a bat prompts me to share with as many people as possible some tips concerning bats, people, and rabies.
The incidence of rabies in bats is approximately 1 in every 200 (half of one percent). In the United States, only about one person a year dies from bat rabies. Nevertheless, although the risk to humans is low, the stakes are very high, making even that degree of risk unacceptable.
In general, the best advice, if you should come upon a bat, is to leave it alone. If it is sick, even most wildlife rehabilitators will not accept it. Furthermore, bats are protected by state laws and it is illegal to interfere with them.
One exception to the “leave it alone” rule is if you find an orphaned baby bat. I raise those fairly often. The trouble with this exception is that in the U.S., many bats are so small that people assume they are babies when they are not. So unless you find it next to a dead mother, or have seen it nursing, or it doesn’t yet have hair or its eyes are still sealed shut, or you have some other very obvious indication that the animal is a baby, please leave it alone.
If you find a baby bat and wish to rescue it, you must capture it without touching it, or letting it touch you. That should be easy, as baby bats haven’t yet learned to fly. You must wear gloves. They don’t have to be all that thick, just thicker than the length of the baby’s teeth (if any). Some gardening gloves will do nicely. The rabies virus is carried in the sick animal’s saliva, so your gloves must be sufficient to prevent the baby not only biting, but also licking your hands. The best way to capture the baby bat is simply to lay a box over it. Then gently slide a piece of cardboard under the box. Alternatively, you can toss a light rag over the baby and pick it up inside the rag, with gloved hands.
Put the baby in a shoebox or other small box. Tape the lid shut all the way around, making sure there is no crack. Baby bats can squeeze out of almost any miniscule opening! The bat will not suffocate; anyway, you aren’t going to keep it that long. Keep the baby warm, dark, and quiet. Warmth can be achieved in a couple of ways. You can use a heating pad under half the baby’s box, set on low. That way the baby can move to whichever half of the box it prefers. Or you can take an old sock, fill it about a third full of dry rice, tie the end, and microwave it for 30 seconds or so. Wrap it in enough rags so the result is a gentle heat, such as a mother bat might provide, not enough to burn the baby. Place it under the box or against one side of the box. You'll need to re-nuke the heat sock approximately every half hour or 45 minutes.
Keep your pets and your children (and everybody else) strictly away from the bat! Besides taping the container shut, you should close the door of the room where you put the box, for double insurance. Don’t succumb to the temptation to show the bat to your friends.
Then call a licensed wildlife rehabilitator. Look online for ones in your state, or ask your vet for a referral, or call your state’s equivalent of our Department of Game and Inland Fisheries. Or see this map of the United States, where you can click on your state to find rehabbers nearest you. A rehabber licensed to handle bats will be vaccinated against rabies, same as your dog is.
Do not attempt to feed the bat. Not even water. You don’t want to get that close to his mouth. You also don’t want to run the risk of actually harming him, by feeding him the wrong thing (he requires a very special formula) or by accidentally choking him. If the animal happens to be dehydrated (a good bet), his system won’t be able to handle any food anyway until he is rehydrated by someone who knows how. He is not going to die of hunger between the time you find him and the time you get him to a licensed rehabilitator. Resist the temptation to feed! (This goes for any wild animal you may find.)
Another exception to the rule about leaving bats alone is if you find one in your house. If you find a bat in your house, you must capture it. Follow the instructions in this video. It also shows you the most likely ways the bat got inside in the first place. (The woman in the video, Barbara French, is one of the foremost bat experts in the whole world.) The only thing amiss with the video is that Barbara, although she cautions you to wear gloves, isn’t wearing any herself!
Provided there is absolutely no chance the bat has bitten or licked anyone, take it outdoors and release it. With gloves on, place the bat on a tree trunk, as high up as you can reach. Watch to make sure it flies away. If it doesn’t, try to retrieve it; then call a rehabber.
If you should find a bat in the same room where you have been sleeping, or anyone else has been sleeping, you must take the bat the same day (or the next day, if you find the bat at night) to your county health department. This is because while you are asleep, you may not be aware of having been bitten. (Even while awake, you may not always be aware of it, as bat bites are so tiny; their teeth are so small.) Visual examination can’t be trusted, either, since the bite can be so tiny as to be all but invisible. Moreover, all it takes to expose you to rabies is being licked by the bat. (The rabies virus is carried in the saliva.) Anyone who has been sleeping in the same room with a bat is automatically considered to have been exposed to rabies, unless tests on the bat prove otherwise.
The Health Department will euthanize the bat and examine its brain for rabies. Chances are no rabies will be found, but bear in mind that the incidence of rabies among bats that get lost and wind up in your house is probably higher than it is in the general bat population.
If rabies is discovered, you will need prompt treatment. Or if the bat was not captured and cannot be tested, you will likewise need prompt treatment, as rabies has to be assumed.
Don’t believe the stories about excruciatingly painful shots in the stomach. Today’s treatment is a series of shots in the arm and is no more painful than any other injection, less than some.
Don’t be reluctant to take the bat to the health department because of the fact that it will be killed. Your life is so much more important than his.
Next, you will need to have your house thoroughly inspected to see whether a bat colony is roosting there. If so, you must get the bats out of your house. You may be a weirdo like me who thinks having bats in the house is an honor or is romantic or enchanting or something. Right, but having them is also too hazardous and also quite smelly after a while, so be ruthless. (Your church steeple/belfry is a much better place for them.) The video I’ve linked to above shows you how to exclude bats from your house in a humane way, but you also need to read details here.
Bats are wonderful creatures, soft, furry, warm mammals. They are very charming when you get to know them, partially on account of their extraordinary intelligence and delightful personalities. (In fact, there is some question nowadays whether some bats are actually primates, like us!) It is not true that a bat may become entangled in your hair; its sonar prevents it from making such a mistake. And bats do not suck your blood. Even vampire bats, whose range is Central and South America, only suck the blood of cows and goats and such. Bats are not vicious or aggressive, but very shy. They eat hundreds of insects apiece every hour all night long, so are important for insect control. But you just have to be careful around them, as with the other rabies vector species (which in the U.S. are foxes, groundhogs, skunks, and raccoons).
Armed with this information, I hope you can avoid not only tragedy, but even the unpleasant scare, inconvenience, and expense (maybe) and that befell the Harju family. They must now undergo a series of six shots each to protect them from rabies. Okay, so a shot is just a shot and not a tragedy; six of them still make something of an ordeal. Please keep Pr. Benjamin, Emily, Evelyn and Dominic in your prayers.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 12:04 AM 6 comments
Labels: animals
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Episcopalians Debate Ordaining Heterosexual Males
A satirical article, hat tip to Fr. Hollywood (Pr. Beane).
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 12:39 PM 4 comments
Labels: humor, Other Faiths
Happy Birthday, Dad!
You have surprised everybody and made it to your 88th birthday. Even though you aren't aware of it, and perhaps don't even remember what a birthday is, congratulations!
You may not know who we are, but you seem to sense we are people to whom you can still say, "I love you." And we are grateful that we can still see in you some of the same beloved mannerisms, ways of putting things, and especially, the same, wry sense of humor.
Watching you has also removed from me the fear of dementia; I see it causes you no great suffering, if any.
Mom says she has bought you some balloons. Maybe seeing them will remind you from time to time that today is your very special day. May it be a good one for you!
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 9:34 AM 4 comments
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My Nursery Today
Or, How I Distract Myself from Woes
Sammy Squirrel's eyes came open over the weekend, at long last. High time he had a squirrel friend to grow up with, lest he begin identifying as a small, furry human being with superior climbing ability.
I called up Chris. "Do you have a buddy for my squirrel?"
"I've got 25 of 'em in assorted sizes to choose from," she said.
Yikes! Gone are the days when I last had 25 squirrels at once. That takes over your whole life.
So I went to see her little darlings, and there were two just Sammy's size, and they all liked each other.
"Why don't you just leave him here?" asked Chris, "and take these instead?"
Off came the cover of a small basket, and nestled inside were three "grayling" squirrels, as we call the ones who are no longer pure pink. Three little girls, two of them with umbilical stumps still attached. Five days old, give or take a day.
Of course she knew I couldn't resist. Besides, Sammy is quickly getting to the stage at which he will need a wire cage so he can begin learning to climb. And a wire cage, unlike a small box, doesn't fit very well in my mother's apartment, and I expect to be spending quite some time there in the coming days.
Then this morning a veterinarian's office called me and the receptionist said somebody had just dropped off a little Deer Mouse, eyes still closed. They had called Chris, and Chris had suggested they call me; she knows I love mice best of all.
When I picked mousie up, I just casually asked, "Does she have a name?"
"The girls here have been calling her Angelina Ballerina."
"Then that's who she shall be."
Except I've modified the name, to suit her personality better. She's Angelina Bombolina. (I know it's ridiculous: a mouse with an 8-syllable name!)
The heavy, hard housework is done for now, which is fortunate, as our air conditioner is not working and the repair people won't be here until evening. Demetrios is at work Tuesdays through Thursdays. So today I am happily ensconced in my nursery, feeding Angelina Bombolina .2 ccs of formula every 2 hours and the three infant squirrels 1 cc every 4 hours, and keeping everybody clean and sweet-scented. By tomorrow I will have synchronized their schedules, but today it seems I have someone to feed almost every hour on the hour, and that suits me just fine. I'm taking a break from tears, from worries, from woes, tending my babies and doing little spurts of gentle housework in between.
Lord, have mercy!
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 2:02 PM 2 comments
Labels: animals