Sent to me by my Baptist Next-door Neighbor
The Truant
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, 'I'm not going.'
'Why not?' she asked.
'I'll give you two good reasons,' he said. '(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them.'
His mother replied, 'I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!'
The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
'This baked ham is really delicious,' the priest teased the rabbi. 'You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?'
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, 'At your wedding.'
The Usher
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, 'Where would you like to sit?' he asked politely.
'The front row please,' she answered.
'You really don't want to do that,' the usher said. 'The pastor is really boring.'
‘Do you happen to know who I am?' the woman inquired.
'No.' he said.
'I'm the pastor's mother,' she replied indignantly.
'Do you know who I am?' he asked.
'No.' she said.
'Good,' he answered.
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a 'show and tell' assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, 'My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.'
The second student got up in front of the class and said, 'My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary.'
The third student got in up front of the class and said, 'My name is Tommy. I am a Baptist, and this is a casserole.'
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Church Jokes
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 6:20 PM 10 comments
One Week! (From Yesterday)
Monday! That's when we are heading for Greece. I'm SO excited!! Can't wait to see the friends there. Can't wait to get my little house dusted and set up. To sit in our little balcony and watch the city go by. To hug Thomai, our downstairs neighbor.
My TO DO list is too long to fit on one page. Time for blogging will be very short this week. After that, I expect I'll spend a couple of days getting over jet lag. But THEN, I'll be posting this year's installment of my adventures abroad. Plus some of the usual topics.
We'll be leaving Greece June 28, for 10 days in England, house-hunting before we come home. That is, looking for a small apartment. At the very least, even if we do not succeed in acquiring one, I'll get a very different view of England. "From the inside" will take on a different meaning, won't it?
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 8:44 AM 1 comments
Labels: Personal
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Mystery and Nonsense (Discussion of Quiz Question)
By nonsense, I am not referring to something with which we disagree and therefore call nonsense. I mean “nonsense” in a narrower way; I mean true non-sense, something incoherent, something that simply has no meaning. A square triangle is nonsense. The question of whether God could create a stone too heavy for Him to lift is meaningless.
What renders these examples and other things meaningless? They are self-contradictory. When you come across a theology that contradicts itself and, worse, makes Holy Scripture contradict itself, this (besides being highly irreverent!), is simply where somebody’s theory has broken down. It isn’t revelation, since what is allegedly revealed is in fact unintelligible. It isn’t Christian teaching, since Christ Himself is God’s intelligible, articulate Reason, the Logos, in the flesh. His religion will never be absurd, never irrational, never meaningless; these are the very antithesis of Who He is. Self-contradiction then, with emphasis on “self”, is the hallmark of nonsense. (It’s perfectly okay if Christian doctrine contradicts secular reasoning. What is NOT okay is if alleged Christian doctrine contradicts *itself*, for Truth does not contradict itself. God is Truth. There is no contradiction in God. God is One.)
There are, as I’ve already noted in a comment, some people who consider it virtuous to accept contradictions of Scripture by Scripture. But in fact, to do so is thoroughly self-defeating. Observe what it does: the moment you begin accepting any, real or apparent, contradiction of Scriptural teaching, even if it is a contradiction of Scripture by Scripture itself, you immediately unravel, indeed repudiate, the Reformation doctrine of Sola Scriptura. You make Sola Scriptura perfectly, 100% meaningless. Far worse (for one who isn’t a Sola Scripturist, as I am not), you also undo Scripture itself as any kind of authority, much less the ultimate one. Why? Because if we suspend the rule that whatever contradicts Scripture is error, then how do you measure error? Scripture then becomes anybody's and everybody's tool. Satan can quote Scripture against Scripture, and does.
Every heretic comes armed to the teeth with Scripture to contradict other Scripture. Sometimes the heretic tells us to accept the contradiction; other times he tells us the contradiction he preaches is only apparent. Whose contradictory interpretation ought we to believe? On what basis shall I accept or reject any given person’s contradiction of Holy Scripture? Why should I even accept my own or my denomination’s contradiction in preference to someone else’s? The basis for the Sola Scripturist’s whole religion is undone!
Mystery, in Christianity, is when something is revealed (not hidden) that goes far beyond anything we can possibly understand conceptually. The Incarnation, for example, is a Mystery. It is not self-contradictory and doesn’t contradict anything else in Christian doctrine, so it is not nonsense. It may seem very strange, highly unlikely, etc., but it is not incoherent. It is Mystery because we can form no idea of how Divine and human natures could be united in one Person, Jesus. We cannot imagine how the Formless One takes form, the Creator of space and time comes and dwells within space and time. We have no clue, and until quite recently no science at all, to help us understand how a virgin can give birth – and to a male child, at that. (Parthenogenesis in frogs produces sterile female offspring.) There is no explanation for how the things what we have heard and seen and known can be. Moreover, the meaning of the event may also be too deep for words fully to express, although our deepest selves (which are also Mystery, by the way) know the meaning.
The Resurrection, likewise, is a Mystery, not because the teaching contradicts itself or anything else in Christian teaching, but because we cannot begin to understand how God has done away with death as we had known it, and has transfigured it into another venue of His own Presence, and a passage into greater Life.
The sacraments are Mysteries, because we do not know how the bread and wine come to be for us the Body and Blood of the Lord, or how the Holy Spirit sanctifies the baptismal waters so that they become for us our second womb, from which we emerge as new persons, grafted into Christ, all our sins, as it were, washed away, the hellfire within us cast out.
Mystery is not darkness, but as someone wrote (Lossky, I think), Mystery is inexhaustible Light. That is, Mystery floods our consciousness with new awareness, but, although our hearts embrace the deep meaning, it is more and deeper meaning than words or thoughts can ever know what to do with. You could write volumes on it and never exhaust its meaning. This, in contrast to nonsense, which by definition cannot give us any meaning, even if the words that couch it sound good on the surface.
("There are some people," I said to one not versed in theology, "who believe that before the world began, God chose who would be saved. He did not, however, choose who would not be saved."
(She thought about that a moment, then wrinkled her nose and asked, "What does that mean?"
("It doesn't; that's the point.")
When neither you nor anyone else can figure out the “how” of things, it’s probably Mystery.
When you know the "what" of something (like who you are or your love for your children), but there aren't words to express it, that, too is probably Mystery.
If you and I don’t understand the “what,” but nevertheless an explanation exists that resolves the matter, that’s only an apparent contradiction, not a real one.
When nobody has ever resolved it (because it is a square triangle), that’s a real contradiction. That's nonsense. Avoid that.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 11:03 PM 48 comments
Labels: Faith and Reason, Other Faiths, Scripture
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
This is my younger granddaughter, Sydney, in February. She was touring a winery with her parents and her other grandma, and there was live entertainment. The singer there handed Sydney the microphone, and Sydney, standing with her dad, Jeff, sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" followed by "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," here recorded. Enjoy!
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:50 PM 0 comments
Labels: family
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Out of Town
For the next few days, I will be kept busy and happy by my children and grandchildren. I'm doing a farewell visit before heading off to Greece and England for the next 3 months. I am bringing my laptop, but don't know how much blogging I'll be able to do.
So the Quiz is still waiting for answers from YOU. Yup, it's hard to talk about, Mystery on the one hand, which is beyond words, and nonsense on the other hand... Still, you're invited to give it a whirl. Save me some work!
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 1:30 PM 1 comments
Labels: Personal
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Quiz Time Again
In discussions of God, Church, theology, salvation, and the like, what's the difference between what is genuine Mystery, far beyond the limits where human reason can reach, and pure nonsense? Do you know how to tell the difference? It's important to be able to discern that difference. Because if we don't, we could believe any nonsensical interpretation of Scripture anyone proposes. We could fall for anything.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 11:39 AM 7 comments
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Worth of Man
Check out this post, a commentary and quote of our beloved Archbishop Dmitri, on Fr. Stephen's blog. Here are two excerpts to whet your appetite:
For the Archbishop, the only guarantee for the dignity of man is the doctrine of the incarnation - the fact that God became man in the God/man, Christ Jesus. Man is created in the image of God and nothing affirms nor defines this to the same fullness as the incarnation of Christ.
It is ironic that in a world where “humanism” enjoys a positive meaning, that the last true humanists are Orthodox Christians. It’s because our Lord and Maker was the first humanist. “Let us make man in our own image and likeness.”
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 8:33 AM 3 comments
Labels: Christian Anthropology
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Your Sunny, Funny Face
No matter how plain your face may be, no matter even how ugly, if it reflects your inner joy, everybody will be glad to see that face. If it is suffused with humility, people will be charmed by your face. If it is a face full of love, it will be transfigured into a thing of radiant beauty.
This is neither some metaphor nor some merely sentimental thought, but sober reality.
In fact, if we see the face of a saint, we literally can no longer tell whether it is beautiful or ugly in the secular sense. That category simply no longer applies. All we know is, it's one of our very favorite faces in the whole world.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:59 PM 3 comments
Labels: Saints
Sunday of the Cross
We bow down before Your Cross, O Master,and we glorify Your holy Resurrection.
Today the Cross is carried in solemn procession, as Christ draws near to His voluntary death; and we follow Him to our own voluntary death before involuntary death overtakes us. That is, we crucify the selves we were born, to emerge as true members of Christ. We refuse to indulge, and we repudiate, our greed, selfishness, jealousies, lusts, pride, and all our other passions, that we may live a whole new order of Life, both here and in the ages to come. The way of the Cross becomes the way of Life.
No longer does the flaming sword guard the gate of Eden, for a glorious extinction has come upon it, the wood of the Cross. The sting has been drawn from death and the victory from Hades. And Thou, my Saviour, didst come and shout to those in Hades: Enter Paradise again.
"If anyone will be My disciple, let him take up his cross, and deny himself, and follow Me."
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:41 PM 0 comments
Labels: Christian Life, the Cross
Thursday, March 19, 2009
If The Shoe Fits
The saying is that you must walk a mile in your brother's shoes before you criticize him. This saying is totally inadequate.
First, you can't just walk a mile and be qualified to judge your brother. It has to be a particular mile: the very same one he walked. And in the same weather, too.
Second, you don't have access to his shoes.
Third, you don't have access to his feet. His shoes may fit you very well, but you don't know how much they may hurt his feet.
You have no idea whether you could walk twenty paces along that route, with those shoes, on those feet.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 8:43 AM 3 comments
Labels: Christian Life, Judging Others
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
More on Romans, Chapter 9
Matthew Gallatin's latest 3 podcasts are up on Ancient Faith Radio, on why the Ninth Chapter of the Epistle to the Romans is not about predestination, single or double.
One of my favorites of his observations is that a loving relationship is definitely not one in which one party manipulates or controls the other.
(In Lutheranism, as I (mis?)understand it, Single Predestination does not involve God maniupulating or controlling anyone. Is that correct?)
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 6:56 AM 25 comments
Labels: Predestination
Whitey Squirrel
On February 12, I posted a picture of some brand new baby squirrels, literally only about 2-3 days old, and pointed out that one of them would probably be a white squirrel once his fur came in. Well, he is furred now, and yes, he is white. Here are some pictures of the baby, now about 6 weeks old. He is not albino; albinos have red eyes and this little baby has brown ones. He's just white. What fun!
Clicking on any of these pictures will enlarge it to approximately full-screen size.
Whitey Squirrel in a Doll Chair

Whitey Squirrel on Red Cloth

Sign on Whitey's Box

Angela Holding Whitey Squirrel

Whitey Squirrel Holds His Bottle. I'm Assuming That's Holly Holding Him.

Notice, Whitey is not an Albino; His Eyes Are Brown, not Red
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 5:16 AM 3 comments
Labels: animals
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
An Urgent Request for Prayer
Owen writes:
Our closest friends Matthew and Esther have been mentioned on this blog many times. They farm in southern Missouri.
Yesterday their youngest child, Fergus, suffered an accident in which he nearly drowned at their home. He did not breathe for a considerable time. He was brought by helicopter to a hospital. He is on a breathing machine, and is being kept cold in order to reduce brain swelling. The doctors told his parents that they will not know the extent of brain health until 48 to 72 hours after the accident. It has been less than 24 hours as of this writing, and at this point Fergus is not doing well. Fergus' first birthday is later this month.
The pain of this event is compounded by the fact that Matt & Esther lost a 2 month old daughter to SIDS in 2006.
If you could remember them in your prayers, dear reader, I should be most grateful.
Holy Father St. Patrick, healer and wonder-worker, pray to Christ our God for His servant, the infant Fergus!
UPDATE: (March 23) Fergus is not doing well. He is unresponsive, we are told. Things look bleak.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 4:48 PM 3 comments
Labels: Prayer
Our Father Among the Saints, Patrick, Enlightener of Ireland
Troparion of St Patrick tone 4
Most glorious art Thou, Christ our God,
Who didst establish our Father Patrick,
as the Enlightener of the Irish and a torch-bearer on earth,
and through him didst guide many to the true Faith.
Most Compassionate One, glory to Thee.
Here is my favorite story about St. Patrick, along with a small excerpt of the famous hymn he wrote.
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 8:57 AM 0 comments
Labels: Saints
Monday, March 16, 2009
Love One Another -- Now
Sometimes in Orthodox services (ideally, always, but it isn't always so obvious), this miraculous something happens, in which the people are aware of being all one. I do not mean one in values or emotions or purpose or ethnic identity, even when all those are also true; I mean we become aware of living but a single Life. There is the one Life and we're all living it, all living that same Life, together. That happened today at Ero's funeral.
Hundreds of people came, and hundreds of people wept, and nobody was there from any such feeling as, "I really ought to go." And everyone else's sorrow was my own, and my sorrow was theirs, and we all understood this, saw it in one another's eyes.
And about halfway through the service, I figured out something else: Ero wasn't just Daphne's mother, not just Olga and Mary and Trish's mother; she was everybody's mother. Yes, she was. In her quiet, unobtrusive, behind-the-scenes way, she lavished a mother's love upon one and all.
She was a peacemaker. If you had offended anyone, she would go to that person and ask him or her to invite you out, or would ask that person to show you pictures of his latest trip to Greece, or -- or whatever. She always had some practical way of making up that she knew would work. And you'd do what she asked. Not for her, but because she would change your heart to make you want to do it.
She saved those little postcards we all used to get in the mail about missing children. She saved them and prayed for each missing child individually, by name, every day, and then for all missing children everywhere, and for their parents.
She made a huge mark in this world, and one marvel is how she did it. She wasn't educated. She wasn't an elected official; as far as I know she never headed up any church organization or even any committee. She wasn't any sort of dignitary. She wasn't rich. She didn't have an illustrious career or any of what this world would call "accomplishments". She wasn't a head of state, wasn't thrown to any lions, didn't evangelize a country or write a book or star in a movie. So how did she manage to change so many people for the better? How did she manage to leave so large a legacy and one so much more important and lasting than that of any celebrity? Simply by her love and her humility. By being Christ-like. By being extraordinarily good. If you want to leave your mark on the world, this is all you need.
Matthew told me that on Thursday night, her suffering had become so difficult that he prayed, "Jesus, please take her now!" Then he went into her room, scooped her up in his arms, and said, "Baby, I love you so much." She opened her eyes, looked at him and then at the ceiling, and died. In his arms. Those were the words she wanted to hear; those words were all she needed to make her feel her life had been a successful one.
I wasn't going to go to the cemetery. It's a cold, dark, damp day and I thought I'd rather help in the church kitchen getting the meal ready. But then it seemed I ought not leave Demetrios alone, to go by himself, who was also pretty shaken. And it seemed that to see her body to her actual grave was one last small service I might render Ero. "Not that she cares," I added, to Demetrios.
But she does, he assured me. She will still treasure every token of love, and God will count it, too.
And that's when the peace descended upon my soul at last, when I realized he was right; it is not too late to be of service to Ero. There's still her family, and the best thing one could ever do for her was always to be good to her family. That's without doubt still the case. One can still take very good care of her family. Pray for me, that for Ero's sake, I shall not fail in this, at least.
One might also take up her prayer for missing children. I wonder if those postcards have been saved...
Posted by Anastasia Theodoridis at 3:34 PM 5 comments