How to Choose a Good Wife

From our friend, John, a retired restauranteur, who knows everything there could possibly be to know about food and the food industry.  He can tell you why some fish taste "fishy" and others don't ("The ones that taste fishy aren't fresh enough!"), can tell you how to make a hamburger taste better by how the ketchup and pickles are arranged, and he can describe how calves are raised in a way that will curl your hair and turn you into a vegetarian.

And John can tell you, if you ask him, how to choose a good wife:  "Have her prepare potatoes," he says.  "If she takes off too much of the peel, she's wasteful.  If she fails to cut out the eyes, she's lazy.  If she doesn't cut the pieces evenly, she's sloppy.  And if she eats some of the potato, nice and warm, right from the pan, she's a glutton."