Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Update

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(See post entitled, "From My Niece's Blog)

To Whichever Deity it May Concern:
I seem to have more than my fair share of serious illness in my family lately. I'm sure it must be difficult to keep track of, what with all the plague, famine, and disease worldwide; however, I am confident that since I have now brought this error to your attention, the problem will be corrected immediately and I will receive a full and complete refund.
Sincerely,
Grace

* * *

Grace was referring to her aunt, my sister Barbara, who is battling cancer, and to her grandfather, my father, who has severe dementia from Parkinson's or Alzheimer's or something. So I sent her this.

* * *

CUSTOMER SERVICE FORM

Account Number : ___________________

Estimated refund due: ______________

How the refund was calculated: __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

If using “fair share” method, state the basis upon which “fair” was determined: __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

Complete and attach Form A, Inventory of Sins, placing a checkmark beside any you have ever committed, and Form B, Survey of Good Works, checking only those motivated by pure, unalloyed altruism.

Count the number of family members in most recent four generations (yours, your parents’, your grandparents’, and your children’s generations, including first cousins, first cousins once removed, and second cousins).

Total: _________

Number living: __________

Number deceased: ________

Number relatively healthy: _____

Number relatively unwell: ______

Complete and attach Form C, placing a checkmark beside each calamity your family has suffered under each category listed, including Famine, Plague, Malnutrition, War, and Other. Do not include Self-inflicted Calamities such as Drug or Alcohol Addiction.

Name of person(s) to whom refund is due:

__________________________________


NOTE: Management cannot be responsible for the actions of disgruntled former employees. Management shall, however, take such counter-measures as it shall, in its sole discretion, deem advisable.

* * *

Grace said...
Gosh, I hope someone can help Barbara fill out all that paperwork!

3 comments:

Grace said...

Hi! Did you know I read your blog? I always get the tune of that song in my head-- Kyrie Elei-ei-sonnn...

In addition to Grandpa and Aunt Barbara, my father's health has been deteriorating and won't be getting better, and my mother-in-law was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis this year. I shall leave each of them to fill out their own forms, as it were, for some unspecified refund, whatever that may be... let's just say it wasn't a particularly well-thought-out analogy! ;-)

Glad you're back home safely.

Anastasia Theodoridis said...

Grace, well, now you know I read yours, and think very highly of it. You write extremely well and have a marvelous sense of humor.

Sorry about what's happening with your father and mother-in-law; I didn't know about either of those situations.

orrologion said...

What refund is she expecting? What money or resources did she put in of her own that she feels she should get back?

On the upside, one can't be angry without God without believing he exists. I once read of advice given to an Orthodox couple who lost a child. The priest suggested they stand every single day in front of the icon of the Theotokos. He didn't care if they prayed from the prayer book, extempore, or simply cussed her out - every day, because she knows what it is like to have lost a child. The father is now a priest.

When we pour our hearts out to God and the saints, it isn't always pretty, but it is all we have to offer. Healing that ugliness is why we are praying; it's like sharing our symptoms with the doctor.